To Go the Other Way
“Our battered suitcases were piled on the sidewalk again; we had longer ways to go. But no matter, the road is life…” – Jack Kerouac
In a wild outpost town of eastern Baltistan, two days’ journey by road into the jagged, icy heart of Pakistan’s Karakoram Range, I shivered as my mother’s face glitched over Skype video chat, jumbled and distorted like some Picasso monstrosity. Even with the poor connection, I could tell she was frowning.
I already knew what was coming.
“Steven, you’re twenty-four years old,” her voice crackled over the speakers, with more than a hint of motherly condensation. “Your father and I talked. You need to come home soon. It’s time for you to settle down and get a real job and–”
“Ooh! Guess what!” I proudly blurted, happily disregarding her. “The people here keep mistaking me for an Afghan refugee!”
She stared, very not amused.
My smile faltered and my gaze fell to my mangy reflection in the video feed; it was the first time I’d seen myself in nearly a week, and I was barely recognizable. I sported a wooly pakol cap and a patchy, feral neck beard that looked as if some sickly woodland critter had latched onto my chin and died. I noticed my body, filthy and skinny, draped in a muddy salwar kameez with a tear on the shoulder, from where I got snagged jumping out of a truck in Islamabad. You could tell I smelled like a goat.
“Steven, this isn’t impressive anymore,” she finally said. “To be honest, I’m embarrassed to tell people what you’re still doing. I mean, look at all the things your friends are accomplishing. People expect something from you by the time you’re twenty-five…” She paused for a moment, before adding, “Your younger brother graduated college yesterday. I don’t think he’s meeting you in Thailand anymore. He says he wants to be the first McDonald to get a real job after graduating…”
I pulled my flimsy jacket tight around me and somberly nodded. “That’s good for him,” I offered.
This wasn’t the first time I’d received such thinly veiled disapproval for my vagrant lifestyle. In fact, one of my grandfather’s favorite hobbies is expressing how much he’d rather me spend my youth doing scholarly number things in an office, making proletariat grandkids, and playing golf.
Not coincidentally, this is exactly what he was doing at my age.
Not coincidentally, any time people tell you what you should be doing with your life, it’s usually exactly what they did with theirs.
A plumber won’t tell you to chase rock star dreams in Hollywood, and I don’t think Mother Theresa would tell you the money’s all in Real Estate.
For this week’s tidbit of Backpackology, before we start getting into the nitty-gritty of planning your trip, I want to subject you to one more vaguely philosophical (read: self-indulgent) musing. I’d like to address those of you, especially the recent college graduates (congratulations), who are currently teetering on the fence of whether or not to put your career on hold and travel, for fear of the repercussions it may cause and how others might perceive you.
When I graduated and was struggling with this same dilemma, a friend of mine (who was wise in her thirties), offered me an unusual piece of advice—something she wished that she had been told when she was only twenty-two. She told me:
Incur debt.
While I’m not condoning this as a goal, and I don’t recommend you go and blow your bank balance on designer shoes and trash bags of coke, I think there’s something wonderful in her sentiment. And that is: you should live now and travel while there’s still the chance—your loans can easily be deferred with a phone call, and you have the rest of your life to pay them back when you’re fettered to a desk.
If you’re worried about the glaring gap it would leave in your resume, don’t dwell on it. Upon your return, you should let employers know about your travels; your experience will most likely make an interesting talking point, and in most cases, it will stand out as a plus to hiring managers. I could easily write an article on the matter, but instead, let me refer you to the real experts at: Career Break Secrets.
Even if you decide not to travel, if there’s one piece of advice I want you to take away from me, let it be this:
Fuck milestones.
The paths of life are infinite—don’t feel obligated to trudge down the one that’s common, that’s most time-honored and well-lit. If you want, you can go the other way. If you want, you can quit your investment firm and start a potato farm. You can pierce your nipples and join the circus. Who cares? You can even throw two pairs of clothes in a backpack and travel across Asia for two years.
I know my parents give me grief because they love me and want me to thrive and have all the best. In their perfect world, I would be sitting in some cushy TV Development office right now. I would probably be stealthily procrastinating on Facebook and counting the hours till the weekend. The highlight of my day would be take-out sushi and laughing cynically at Dancing with The Stars.
But instead, I’m scrawling this down in a notebook, rumbling over some high mountain pass in a beat-up jeep, somewhere in the the Hindu Kush near the border of Afghanistan. The jeep is crammed with no less than fifteen haggard, Pashtun shepherds, and a few minutes ago, we passed a veiled woman in a burka beating a yak with a stick.
My life is awesome.
I’m living the dream, doing my three favorite things. Traveling, writing, and pretending to know what I’m talking about.
While many people might not understand why I feel this way, this is the path I’ve chosen and I wouldn’t trade places with anyone. Sure, my high-income friends might have anorexic flatscreens and phones that cook breakfast, but I’m more seduced by the thrill of uncertainty. In fact, I dread the day when a stream of nice paychecks swell in my bank account, and I’m forced to longingly fantasize all the things out there that I’m missing. (This coming from the eight-year old who practically jerked off to ‘It’s a Small World’).
But who knows. Maybe my parents are right to discourage my wayfaring. Maybe life will be difficult for me when I return. Maybe I’ll have to clean toilets at Taco Bell for a while as I regain my footing. But in the end, I’m sure it will all work out. It always does. Everything I’m doing now—these adventures, these experiences—are things I will have for the rest of my life.
While I’m sad to hear that I won’t be picking my brother up at Bangkok International Airport this fall, I respect the path he has chosen and I wish him all the best in the world. And as for you, if the thing you want most is success, and fortunes, and cellphones with free will, I say go for it. Just do what makes you happy and forget what your grandfather says.
Your opinion on what you do, and how you live your life, is the only one that matters.
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For more information on giving Manifest Destiny the finger, click the “Backpackology 101” tab at the top of this page.
To learn what led me to my excessive, irresponsible adventure, click here: Stepping Off The Edge









































The traveler sits well with the road… Here we have a perfect example
The traveler might as well be adhered to the road.Thanks for reading!
What will happen if you will find your true lave somewhere far, far away from home ? Thanks for writing!
Haha I’m not sure. I guess home can be anywhere you make it.
You are EXACTLY where you ought to be, my brother.
All the “milestones” will remain where they are, crumbling and moldy despite your absence. Right now, you’re just busy writing a story for your future generations.
Thanks man! You’re encouragement seriously means a lot. Thanks for reading, and for the support.
Wow.
Steve, your travels are amazing, but your courage to continue to pursue your happiness and follow your dreams of adventure, is inspiring.
Also,
We have not seen this beard yet, and its been mentioned in the past 3 posts. I DEMAND goat-face. Now! Please and thank you.
Stay safe, work would suck if I couldnt sneak onto your blog daily to check for posts lol
Again, Brad, thanks for following along! I love that your parents are supportive. My parents are actually quite supportive too (not initially, however) (my first backpacking trip was across the Middle East, which nearly gave my mother heart palpitations) but after a chain of lengthy trips, they’ve since become jaded, as they think I’ve seen enough, and that I need to start leading a normal, big-person life.
And as for the neckbeard- my genes are Irish and WASPy, and thus I can’t/shouldn’t attempt facial hair. The thing that currently lurks on my chin isn’t big, nor impressive. It’s mostly just sad. It’s wispy, thin, and pubic, with large and inexplicable bald patches. You’ll see it soon enough. Don’t set the bar too high, however. And maybe view it on an empty stomach.
Not to mention the interesting and highly individualistic person who will return to his family, at some time in the future:) Keep on trucking’ Steve. I was going to say that yes, I think we’d all like to see what a goat you’re looking like just now, but that would be cruel. Just imagine what your poor mother seeing it! It’s bad enough she’s worrying about her boy, out there in the wilds of “where was it he said he was going?”, but has been delegated as the family spokesperson to bring you home. We’ll just have to imagine …
You’re right. In fact, this post has generated quite a bit of sympathy for my poor mother, and I’m quite racked with guilt now.
I’m still not coming home though!
As for the beard, I’ll quote myself in response to an earlier request for pics: As for the neckbeard- my genes are Irish and WASP, and thus I can’t/shouldn’t attempt facial hair. The thing that currently lurks on my chin isn’t big, nor impressive. It’s mostly just sad. It’s wispy, thin, and pubic, with large and inexplicable bald patches. You’ll see it soon enough. Don’t set the bar too high, however. And maybe view it on an empty stomach.
Steve, I thoroughly enjoyed reading this post and not to mentioned if I am given a choice I’d rather be backpacking than be where I am today. Many people will discourage you because it is shocking to them, almost reminds them of what they wanted but how they couldn’t do it because they didn’t want to leave their comfort zone even if it meant missing out on life. So I tell you, you should just carry on and have fun. Things DO fall into place
Thanks for the support Ashley! And I’m glad you agree. Due to the ’21′ in your username, I wonder, are you university? And if so, are you considering taking up the backpack once you’ve finished?
No, I am not in university, I finished it when I was 18 (skipped few years in school) and started working after it
Great title.. and an enlightening post!
Thanks! Titles are a pain. (to roughly quote one of your posts).
To be fair; speaking as a mother of an almost-graduated-22-year-old, I can totally understand and relate to your mother’s concern, and terror. When she says she and your father have “talked”, what she really means is that she has been spending countless sleepless nights tossing and turning and worrying over you and venting to your dad about the very real possibility they will soon receive a phone call in the middle of the night asking for someone to fly thousands of miles to a remote corner of the world in order to identify your lifeless body. I know it’s hard to comprehend, but her concerns are very real, and have real merit. She gave you life and breath, and as your Momma, she is prepared to do whatever it takes to preserve it! By embarking on this trek, you have unwittingly thrown your mother into taking an emotional and challenging journey of her own which she did not choose nor ever desired to take. Just keep that in mind. Please walk softly on her heart. ‘nough said.
Now, speaking as my formerly-20-something-dying-for-adventure-young-woman self. Some of the greatest memories of my life will always be the year I left behind my comfort zone and my safe little universe and launched into studying abroad. Granted, it was certainly more organized and supervised than what you are doing, and yet, I did trek in and around the Holy Land, Egypt, Lebanon, north Africa, etc – in the late 80s some places were pretty rough and raw, and a black and white TV with tin foil on the antennae was considered a luxury. The experience afforded me time to interact with people, cultures and foods I didn’t know existed. Sleeping in a hostel one night near the Syrian border I remember hearing this incessant pounding noise in the distance – I finally got really annoyed and went and asked a local what in the world was going on? Is it construction or something?! No, (dummy), “There is an offensive attack on some insurgents. Tonight we hearing the bombs”. Oh. Gulp. Another time I wandered off on my own in a Palestinian occupied territory (very BAD idea). Being the naive and dumb American girl I was, I allowed myself to be followed by two shady young men only to barely escape “who knows what” thanks to a more alert tourist. Needless to say, I wisely never told my mother about those “adventures”. Another classic memory, being spontaneously invited to help create floral arrangements at a Kibbutz for a local celebration. Or the time a shepherd motioned for me to sit and break bread with him. Sharing his meager meal we sat in comfortable silence watching his flock on a windy hill somewhere near Bethlehem, and I was certain I had gone back in time 2,000 years. Thankfully, God allowed me to survive and learn from my mis/adventures, and allowed me to fall in love with and respect people and cultures I could never have understood simply by reading my beloved National Geographic (like you, a treasure). If you think arriving in Rangoon was overwhelming, brace yourself. Coming home to America was the biggest culture shock of my life. The excess. The glitz. The noise and colors and incessant artificiality. The starvation of human connection and gluttony of intolerance…. Mind you, this was all back in the 80s long before anyone was walking around with computers in their pockets and cell phones in their ears linked to the world, twittering and face-booking and blogging non-stop. And I was only gone 5 months (a mini-lifetime in your 20s). After returning, my sister took me on a dizzying tour of the new “Shopko” (the 80s version of a ‘big box’ store) More glamour and choices and produce I’d seen in my life. I sat down in the housewares aisle weeping. My sister thought I’d gone crazy. In my mind, I could only see the dusty dirt roads I had just walked not so many hours before, the faces of the starving smiling children who had rejoiced when I stopped and shared my bread and some oranges with them, and how they had reacted when I gave each of them their own tiny wooden pencil – clutching them to their chests like the greatest treasure. In that moment in Shopko, I was desperately, inexplicably “homesick” to be back in that hot, dusty, stinky little place with tiny sticky fingers tapping me on the shoulder and patting me on the head and calling out “Rafikaty! Rafikaty!” – Friend. Friend.
Advice from an “old lady” stuck in a cubicle counting the days she will hopefully live to enjoy a retirement and get to travel: Keep telling your Mom sincerely how much you love her and appreciate her for giving you life and letting you live it with “abandon”. Embrace your current educational experience to the fullest in preparation for returning to a world you will see with completely new eyes. For better or for worse, being able to assimilate back into Western commercialism may actually become the greatest adventure and trek of your mortal life. Accepting a desk job and interacting with “co-workers”? Definitely not for the faint of heart. Don’t worry. You still have time. Godspeed.
You, Ms. Mormon Soprano, are an unbelievable writer–which I already knew from reading your blog, but I just wanted to point out how tremendously eloquent this comment was. I’m sending this to my mother, I’m sure she’ll probably start crying or whatnot. Thanks for the poignant guilt trip!
As for my inevitable culture shock upon returning home: Alas, I’ve already come back from unwieldily long trips before, so I know what you’re saying about readjusting, and it’s all so true! I totally agree that the abrupt excess of coming home is just as hard as adjusting to the bleakness of the developing world–and maybe even more so cause you’ve lost the joyous thrill of being someplace new. Oh, and funny coincidence: Your words rang especially close to home because, like you, my first big trip was also after a study abroad, and also across the Middle East and North Africa!! The Arab world still fascinates me more than any place on earth.
Thanks for reading, and for your consistently stimulating comments! I know my mother will appreciate your words as much as I did.
Thank you Steve for your lovely compliments, and you’re welcome – My daughter delights in reminding me that I am the goddess of poignant guilt tripping. (I don’t think she actually means it to be complimentary, but I’m choosing to focus on the “goddess” part) I have a feeling your Mom and I will get along brilliantly.
Ah yes, after reading more of your blog during yesterday’s “lunch break”…of which length I shall not divulge…I figured out you’ve been travelling a lot more extensively than just this particular 2-year “jaunt”. In fact, you’ve already seen more and done more than most American’s ever accomplish in an entire lifetime.
That’s very cool we share a love of the Middle eastern/north Africa region. I’ve always wanted to return, particularly to the Holy Land, but, there’s simply so many other places I need to see first! Interestingly enough, India and Thailand are toward the top of my wish list. It’s nice to know that at least once I finally get there, it’s inexpensive. France is listed as my #1. I know it’s ridiculously expensive, but I can’t help myself. (since Delta recently added a direct flight to Paris from my city, I’m pretending it’s a sign from heaven)
I’ve honestly read this post maybe 10 times by now. It is really inspiring, Steve. I’m disgustingly jealous at the fact that you know what you want to be doing with your life right now and even more so that you are actually doing it. I’m proud of ya big guy. After I do my school-mandatory internship in the Fall I hope to join you out there for a while. I spoke with my friend Justin from my study abroad and he wants to start planning out a trip too. Let me know what your plans are between January-March 2013.
I’m reading this from a niche of your parents’ perfect world, sitting at a desk, staring at a wall and a computer screen, justifying my monthly salary with bits of work and salvaging sanity with WordPress. You just keep doing what you do. This life isn’t forever and looking back it’s too easy to see wasted time & oppoertunities that came of worrying about other peoples’ opinions and priorities.
Haha, thanks for your encouragement, and thanks for following along! I hope I can help those office hours go by quicker!
I tell my 29-year-old who is living in the woods in a teepee in Oregon and my 27-year-old who is working/trekkiing all over the world that the ONLY requirement I place on them is that I want to hear from them at least every other week. The rest….thinking about health insurance, for my daughter to keep in mind if she wants to have kids she needs to think about the when of that, and other things….is discussed but not hounded. They are on their pathway…and I am sometimes very envious.
Haha good on you! If you’re envious, why not join them? Where’s your trekking son now?
Oh I will get out to him in the woods some, but not to live that way….those days are over for me. My daughter and I are planning a special trip for next spring.
Great advice! I should’ve read (and heeded) this when I was in my 20s rather than now, me with my AARP credit card…
Haha, if only. It’s never too late too. The same rules still apply.
WHAT?! There are CELLPHONES that cook BREAKFAST too?
THEY CAN DO ANYTHING THE WORLD IS THEIR OYSTER.
Fair enuff.
Just gotta add that some moments of travelling are awesome, and some of them are horrible. The first ones make you bounce and wear panda suits in the street. The other ones just leave you tons of stories to narrate to your grandchildren (considering that you survive to see them). It all plays well in the end!!!
I really enjoyed your blog. I spent a few hours just reading through (almost) everything you have written here and my initial sullen mood has evaporated into a wistful ignition of my forgotten wanderlust.
You have a way with words, the kind I wish I had… I travelled in 2010-11 and had started a blog to write about it but only managed a piece or two before I got too absorbed in being a lazy lump. Now all the memories are stuck at the back of my head and there’s no way I can chronicle my adventures with as much zeal now.
I don’t usually leave comments on blogs (and in fact I haven’t been reading that many blogs of late), but yours has given me the final push I need to go ahead with my plans (quit job, travel, yadayada)
so thank you
Hahaha thanks! I’m glad you enjoyed it. And I think you should go for it! Hit the road. You have the rest of your life to sit in a cubicle. Have fun, and let me know if you start a blog about it. I’ll have to check it out!
Travelling is neither a waste of time nor money, it’s an investment
Wisely put. I have no remorse; all travel is worthy travel.
Dude, you are definitely my favourite travel blogger/writer out there. I’m the same age and going on my first lengthy solo trip around South America next year
and can’t wait!
Keep it up my man, your words are a motivating force.
Great photos too btw, I wish I could just take a Canon G12 like you, but I’m a photographer (hobby) so I need my DSLR and 3 lenses, and a waterproof point&shoot LOL. So much for traveling light…